I feel like it’s been an eternity since I’ve written anything, (besides bills and sticky notes), yet the past month has truly flown by. Working full time has been a major adjustment, since all of my life I’ve been a full-time student and part-time everything else. While there are so many things I love about my job (the studio, the people, the industry), I’ve struggled to keep up with daily tasks like laundry and cleaning and getting a meal on the table each night. There have definitely been moments where I’ve thrown my hands up and said, in a less than pleasant tone, “WE’RE WALKING DOWNTOWN TO EAT.”
But overall, we’re doing well.
One thing I’ve noticed in this transition is my lack of creativity, or at least exhibiting it. While the atmosphere I work in is one full of creatives, I haven’t crafted, decorated, written, or even organized my closet (if some would consider color coding a creative outlet) in quite a while. Brent’s been practicallly begging me to do a craft, or write a blog, or something therepeutic for the sake of both our sanitys. As I begin to list the things I haven’t been doing in exchange for a whole lot of new things I have, I realize more than ever the importance of being true to me,
true to yourself.
When I was six I knew who I was. I liked the color pink, a lot. I refused to wear practically anything but a Minnie Mouse dress with built in shorts. I collected dolphins, stamps and postcards, and I prayed for braces, glasses and a broken leg (so I could wear a hot pink cast of course). If you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I’d say a ballerina…or an actress..or a singer…
When I was 12 I wondered who I was. My body was changing, my friends were changing, and I found my self confidence in choker necklaces and oversized t-shirts. I liked to read and I loved the Colonial Era. I collected American Girl dolls, and was hopelessly homesick on every adventure I went on (Chicago, NYC, Costa Rica).
When I was 16 I hated who I was. I felt awkward in my own skin, compared myself to everyone around me, and spent my Dutch Wonderland pay checks on anything considered “cool.” I woke up two hours early just to perfect my appearance for school, and believed that winning the yearbook’s “Best Dressed” superlative was the best thing that could ever happen to me.
I am 22 and I’m remembering who I am. I believe now, more than ever before, that it is crucial to know and be true to who you are, who you were created to be. If I shut down the part of me that was made to love life, enjoy beauty, be creative and find joy in each day, then I am putting my head down and saying “I just have to get through another day.“
Who really wants to live like that?
More importantly, Who really was created to live like that?
As life evolves there will be seasons: of rest, of craziness, of school and work and marriage and babies and all those beautiful things that may come. Do not lose your identity in any of it. Do not attach yourself to that moment you are in, because the moment may past, and you will be lost.
I am learning that, as much as I am a full-time wife, holding a full-time job, and living out practical responsibilities, the Lord has created me for things that I need to thrive.
I am 22 and I love where I’m at. I am married to my best friend. I love to bake and cook and shop and decorate. I am relatively neat, but behind closed doors (aka. my closet) you will find a disaster. I cry a little too easily at most everything, brush my teeth like 19 times a day, and in a dream world i’d be in bed at 9 every night. Crafts are my favorite, and writing makes me feel alive. I’m a person of atmosphere (for instance I have music going, candles lit, twinkle lights on and a mug of honey laden tea by my side) and I clean when I’m stressed. I am a coffee drink addict, (but I think I just like holding something).
I was created to truly live and to truly love, and I don’t want to lose that.
So take it from me, a girl who is finding herself overwhelmingly busy and choosing her hardest not to drown in it. It could be so easy to succumb to life’s craziness. But I have been asking the Lord to remind me who I am, to help me carve out time for the things and people I love, and to do my very best to live above the pressures real life just brings.
I want a fresh perspective, inspiration, a nudge in the direction of joy.
p.s. A little Hostetter update: We not only have not-so-baby-anymore chickens, we’re growing LETTUCE on our concrete slab of a porch! Who says there’s no such thing as urban farming?
xoxo LOVE YOU ALL!