Today is a special day. Some call it National Chocolate Day, “The dumbest holiday ever,” National Single Awareness Day.
I call it the day of so much love I can’t even handle it.
I LOVE love. I am a hopeless romantic and a hopeless holiday-addict. These two characteristics combined equal one very happy Valentine’s Day fanatic. Favorite pastimes around this holiday include baking, creating, Valentine making, sweet surprises, too much shopping for too many gifts and gushy games like “lets say what we love most about each other.”
Really. I do that stuff.
As much as I love love, and as hopelessly romantic as I may be, love has been a journey for me.
A journey of defining love in my own way, understanding love, loving my self, accepting love and most importantly: finding my One True Love. (I’m not talking about Brent, I’m talking about Jesus).
Brent and I dated for much of high school. He was my perfect boyfriend, we were (in my mind) the perfect couple. If I could fully understand love, I would have said he was my first love. But in order for me to fairly, fully, and truly love anyone, I needed to love myself. And in order to love myself, I needed to grasp who I am as my Father sees me.
So Brent and I broke up. (The things they don’t tell you in unrealistic love stories).
I was at a crossroads in my life. I could choose to head toward the depths of despair (which is where my pathetic pity parties and claims that I would never get married, that the male gender hated me and that God must be calling me to celibacy would probably lead), or I could choose to lean on a Rock that is higher than I.
After a little of the first, I chose the second-and I am SO glad I did.
The two years after Brent and I broke up were a journey that I would never reverse but, at times, a heartache I would never repeat. So often I would cry out to God, (in not so eloquent terms), I don’t know what You’re doing, all I know is who You are.
Thit phrase, the trusting of a heart, is the core of love. Understanding God’s love for me could only be demonstrated through my constant trust, even through my inconsistent and totally human life.
I’m alive because Your alive.
This greatest Love of all time is what I had to find, what I had to even attempt to grasp before I could ever have love for myself and, subsequently, for the ones I longed to love.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected to be spending this Valentine’s Day with Brent (our third in five years-confusing I know). But why am I surprised? That’s the way the Lord works doesn’t He?
I have a Father who loves me, who wants what I want, who knows to his core what is best for me and cannot wait to bless me with those things. All He wants is love, time, relationship. I give love, he gives love, love so abundant that I can’t keep up; through family, through friends, through my sweet boyfriend, through His work in my life.
SO MUCH LOVE!
So this Valentine’s Day I’m choosing to celebrate love in many ways. A celebration of the love in my life, the love I have found for life and the love who gave His life to bless my life.
Let’s celebrate together! 🙂
Brent and I our senior year of high school.
Brent and I soon after we started dating in October, two years later.